SO this week has been one heck of a week. A series of events began on Sunday and ended with me sobbing in my pillow at 6:15 pm on Wednesday night. Ugh. Basically this week was supposed to be more happy and run smoother. The van we were using died, we are having trouble getting local people to commit to help load our truck because there is a community parade in our neighborhood (even though it starts hours after we will be done, people are still not coming, sooo annoying, way to go with service people), we got the keys to the house yay, but our renters still had stuff all over the lawn and in the storage sheds that they "hoped" wouldn't be a problem and wanted to leave there for at least a week (this is where most of my anxiety stemmed from), Roan's schedule is way off and he has a rash which is making him oh so enjoyable, work has been fun, I have been kicking butt and finally earning the respect of some of my coworkers, then they told me I am working 3 pm- 11 pm for the next 2-4 weeks (covering for someone who quit, anyone need a job). All in all I was having a bad attitude about EVERYTHING and then started to let little things bother me and then I really really really wanted a beef n' cheddar and then I really wanted to swear and scream at the heavens. I knew my breaking point was near and it took reading one silly petty facebook status to snap me into a sob for 15 minutes. I called a friend and as soon as I heard her voice I sobbed for another 5 minutes. I felt like I should be more thankful and have a better attitude. After all I am moving into a house, my house, I have good health and can run and jump and all that. But I was just so so grumpy and because of that I felt guilty which made me feel even more grumpy. Thursday I woke up more refreshed. I exercised, something I have done everyday this week actually (maybe I could have been more of grouch if it wasn't for that). Then the renters called to inform us that they were going to have the rest of the stuff out by the end of today. Hooray! I have a few things to finish packing at the house tonight and then Friday I have off to work on cleaning and getting the rest of the stuff in before we move our storage unit stuff in this Saturday. Then all we have to do is unpack and enjoy.
I know it sounds like I am complaining...because I am. But I do have a point to all this. Monday wasn't a bad or an awesome day, it was just a day. I had a few mionr ups and downs regarding expectations I have for myself. Half way through the day I got some great news (a friend just bought a house and I was able to get some great donations for my cousins fundraiser.) After I got this news my day turned around and I seemed more cheerful. On my drive home I asked myself a question that really got me pondering.
"Why did I have to wait to get good news to be cheerful?" I am not saying I should always be turned on up all the time, but life doesn't have to be so melancholy when there is nothing super awesome going on.
It is okay to just BE happy.
"Why do I struggle? Why am I troubled in this narrow, cramped routine, when life, all life, with its joys, lies open before me?"
"...while one is living, one must live and be happy."
~War and Peace
Now I sometimes take for granted that I am usually so optimistic. This week was tough, I tried to find humor in the bad parts but at the end of the day I let the negative way I reacted to things prevail.
"It is your reaction to the adversity not the adversity itself that will determine your future."
~ President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I feel like I failed this week BUT tomorrow is another day. I can still be happy and I will be. Thursday is feeling much better and I am thankful for all the help we have had so far. My mother in law watching Roan more often this week and cleaning parts of our new house. My sister is off this week and has been a tremendous help with watching Roan, cleaning, packing. She can read me like a book and has kept telling me over and over, "this week will be over soon and it will work out and you will be happy." She is so sweet.
SO moral of this post. Life is going to be life no matter how you choose to react to it. Decide each morning when you wake up that today is going to be awesome and let life be life.
I would like to link this positive post to another really good post that my friend Shawna wrote that is along these same lines. Read it here.
So you had a few bad days. But you are viewing them for what they are and actively trying to make the situation better. Don't beat yourself up about your reaction. It's done and over. Stress is SO hard to manage sometimes and it sounds like you have more on your plate than usual. My advice would be when it starts to feel overwhelming take 5 minutes to breath and
ReplyDeletethink and get yourself back in a good place.
I really hope you guys get some help with the heavy lifting. Any family you can call in to help since your neighbors are bailing on you?
We do have some friends and family coming to unload. The loading part should only take 20 minutes since it is in storage. We have 1-2 friends coming to that part but were hoping for just 2-3 guys from the ward.
DeleteI really, really wish that we could help! Now I feel extra guilt. I love you and moving is enough to make anyone cranky. At least you are good enough to acknowledge it and actively seek out a better way. For me, cranky is a way of life and I am always left wondering why I'm so dang depressed so much of the time. Come and hang out and rub your goodness off on me please. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better, my dear.
ReplyDelete