Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Work Blahs

Many years ago I used to say to myself, "When I have kids I am gonna work and be a Mom because I am "ALL THAT" and a box of candy. Hear me roar!" Well dear friends the day of my return to work is nearing and I have been nothing but a basket case. :( I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to return to work and quite frankly I would rather not! However, our circumstances will not allow that to happen at this time. It is what it is and though we are working towards me being a homemaker, it is still sometime away. Hopefully not too soon off though. We are out of debt and I have been saving and will also be taking a crack at couponing to save even more. I seriously have been praying everyday for it to happen and have promised God that if he puts us on that path then I will go out of my way to serve someone everyday that I am a homemaker. Lars is having a lot of changes at work as well, the big change being that they are shutting down in September and laying EVERYONE off! EEK! Scary but maybe a blessing in disguise. We love his work place and coworkers, it is super sad for the change. But now Lars is looking for a higher paying job anywhere, and I mean anywhere. We decided to not limit our search to just California. Who knows we may have a new adventure on our hands. Anyway, he is specifically looking for IT stuff so if you know of a place let us know.

Okay, now back to me. My maternity leave has gone by so slow, a good way slow. I have loved every minute of it, even the baby blue parts. I guess it is like a hard working vacation. I think I will be a kick-A homemaker too. So I have been avoiding anything related to the "work" topic. But reality had to set in when we went over our finance's and because of my pretty good recovery I am medically fit to go back to work and therefore not eligible for long term disability. So I took California States Bond with your Baby $ for the rest of my leave, which unfortunately was shortened by a few weeks, but it was still a full 12 weeks and then some. So I am going back to work about April 23rd. I was gonna start out part time to take it slow but have now decided to jump in all the way. The day I emailed my boss I cried every other hour of the day or anytime I looked at Roan, which was pretty much an entire day of endless tears. OH MAN. The next day was better but I was still very blue. Then I met with the boss man to discuss options about working from home and well the position doesn't really exist within my company, so it is "a day at a time" sorta thing. I was so hoping for something more definite but nothing is cut and dry when you are in my business. Time will still tell as I have another boss man to talk to by the end of the week.

But I was still very very bummed out and in tears over this. Then my darling husband gave me the best pep talk I needed about being positive. He told me he loved me because I could always make a bad situation happy and fun. I know that I have been slowly getting myself back together since my new hormones have been taking me for a ride. He was right and he couldn't have had that talk with me at a better time. Soon after the "hear me roar" woman in me was born again. It totally sucks that I am going back to work, it really does, but I am not gonna let it ruin me or my last few full weeks with my child. I am gonna throw these lemons back at life and life can suck it because there is no way I am gonna let it get me down. Lots of women go back to work all the time and they are fine and their kids are fine so whose to say I can't do the same. Yep, it will be tough and I will most likely cry again and probably more than once, but I will not let my doom and gloom attitude own me. I am gonna have fun with it. I am very blessed to have a good job and my company has been and hopefully will be very flexible with me. We have a really awesome babysitter to watch Roan and he adores her. Things really aren't that bad. I have to just keep my head up and enjoy all the fun little things.

So you hear that work and life
Stephanie is back and happy and jolly and fun
 you can suck it!!!!


  1. Oh Steph, I definitely feel for ya. I was working from home but it's so hard working from home with a babe. It's like you're there but not really THERE. I tried it for a bit, and we just couldn't do it. I work now at my office about three hours a day and while I LOVE my baby, and it is hard... it's nice to get a break. Roan won't forget about you while you're gone, and you're doing this for him. That's the way life is these days. Unless your husband is making a million dollars a week it seems like there's never enough. Good for you guys though for being out of debt. We're trying to get there.

  2. Boy can I relate with you on this one. I cried and cried when I went back to work after having Jacob. BUT there were silver linings in it, we lived close by and Brent would bring him to me to nurse after he woke up from his nap. Our babysitter that watched him in the am was across the street from my work so I could go nurse there on my morning break - I never had to pump AND I got to see my baby 3 x a day (I'd go home for lunch). That made it workable but it was still hard. I was able to quite when Brent graduated and we then moved up to Oregon. I've been a SAHM ever since and I love it.


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