A Little Update on Me & Things

Just a little update on me personally...

I announced a few months ago that I had PPD and was working on getting through that. First, I want to thank you all for the love and for taking the time to personally reach out to me to check in and offer your support. It really truly means more than you will ever know. I am happy to inform you that things are much much better than they were in the beginning. I saw a counselor for a month before I moved and she helped me deal with some of the emotions and helped me learn a few things to help train my mind from playing tricks on me. What I mean is one of my biggest issues I was working through was that I would soooo over react to things before they even happened which made me super stressed, paranoid, selfish, too far stretched, and just not so fun to be around. It was super hard to overcome and even today I am by no means perfect with it but I am in a good enough position to function more properly. I was asked to consider drugs but decided against it for now. Everyone is different and I just felt that drugs would not work for me.

Honestly life has been so busy lately that I really have just been pushing forward. Then a few nights ago Lars asked me how I was doing and it really got me thinking that I am good now and am doing tons better. I am more patient Roan and tough situations. According to Lars I am not as snappy as I was. :) I haven't been as depressed, and if I do it is not to the same degree as it was. It has been weeks since I thought about hurting myself or anyone else. Most often I got down on myself when I was stressed or frustrated with something I couldn't control. The therapy helped teach me to react to both in a more healthy way and after I quit my previous job the stress lessened.  I know I am not cured but things have greatly improved. I imagine it is due to giving it time, the recent changes/progression we have made in our lives, the things I learned from therapy, and the love and support I received from all of you. I am out of the worst part of it now and feel that from here I can only move up.

I have a new job in Utah. I moved to a competitor within my industry. This company is more production specialized (high end copying and scanning in super large quantities) and their clients are more than just law firms, they include medical offices, corporations, and warehouses. I appreciate the change and am learning a lot. The best part is I am not stressed here. I don't have my own team to manage. I only visit each site and make sure the are certified to the company standards, when I am not doing that I am back filling the staff or working on projects at the main office. Honestly I could really care less about what happens at work. Most days I want to put in my 8 hours and go home to my boys. I like it here but think I am growing out of the career minded phase of my life. I want to be a stay at home Mom for a while and then see what happens. I am not as over anxious about making this move as I was. Everything in its season right. :)  I know we are progressing towards that. Lars found a good job and until he gets settled into that I will be staying put. I don't want to put a definite timeline on it, but I am confident that things will be changing for us over the next 6 months. In the mean time I am looking for work as an apartment or storage unit live on site manager. This will help me be at home yet still contributing. We are trying to save money for additional goals we have but am still hoping to cut my hours some or all together soon. If I can find an apartment manager job then this will allow me to still contribute financially yet be at home. If you know of anything available in the Salt Lake area please let me know.

So I think I am preparing to wean Roan from me. I enjoy and am thankful for being able to breastfeed for so long but I am nearing the end. He will be a year in 2 months so I will hold off until then but I have begun to get ready. He is a good eater even with his 8 teeth. Lately he has been getting relaxed with that and I think I am producing less. I love this connection it provides but I sorta want my body back. I went window shopping at Victoria Secret the other day. I really want to wear a normal comfy bra again. Once he is weaned and I have reshaped I want to go buy a Victoria Secret bra to celebrate myself.

I really want to get into better shape too. I still believe it is how you feel and not what you look like and junk. I seriously have tried to make an effort to eat less and exercise but I am starving when I do. I have only lost 10 lbs of the 50 lbs baby weight I put on. I keep hoovering over the same number no matter what I do. So I figured it will be staying until I am done breastfeeding. In an effort to get back in shape it is my goal to run a 3K or 5K by my 30th birthday in January. The only draw back to this plan is that it is super cold here. I don't want to run outside. I may adjust this goal so I am running in the spring. I got fitted for running shoes and ran with a sample pair. I liked the smooth feel they give but are they really necessary? Especially if I am running outside in the winter? Most of the running shoes have holes in them so your feet can breath but this also causes wet feet if the shoes get wet. What do you think? Either way I am going to have fun getting back in shape.

That is all for now. :) I leave you with a really cool heartwarming video from Jessie J. Be who you are folks and love it!!!