Monday, August 29, 2011

A little story about ME

Look who is having a baby... Let me tell ya this girl does have talent, but I am also interested in her own personal philosophy of family and child bearing. I pretty much like to hear anyone's philosophy on those things. I like biographies for similar reasons. Why people made the choices they do and where they came from and where they are going sorta thing. I have my own story that I am sharing a little here and there.

Beyonce said in the following interview ,
"I feel like a woman. I feel like I'm very aware of who I am. I feel great and I feel like 30 is the ideal age [to start a family], because you're mature enough to know who you are and to have your boundaries and your standards, and not be afraid, too polite -- but you're young enough to be a young woman," she said. "I'm so looking forward to it."

I like her thinking. First off, I am not saying there is anything wrong with having kids before you are 30 or after you are 30. For me, I wanted to have at least one child before I was 30, I guess deep down I knew I would need that time to personal get ready. I am meeting my mark. I am 28 and will be 29 when our son is born.

Here is some of my story.

I was the youngest growing up so I didn't have a lot of exposure to babies and youngsters until I was older and was a nanny and then had nieces and nephews of my own. Honestly kids scared me!! When we first got married I knew I wanted to wait so I could get to know ME for a while and be married. I knew the kid thing would happen but I needed ME time and was a little scared and selfish all rolled together. Sounds like I was a bad Mormon or something, WRONG! God gave us choices and this was my/our choice. For the first few years we got a lot of grief and I think apart of that was because we lived in Utah and the culture there is so stiff when it comes to these kinds of things. One day a friend asked us if we were getting a divorce because we didn't have kids yet? WHAT the @#$@! (He was demoted on the friend list btw) People's happiness should never be measured by the amount of kids they have. Some people don't know other's circumstances. My Aunt gave us the best advice after we were married. She said, "Having kids is deep water, don't jump in unless you know how to swim." Not to be preachy, my blog deal with it, but she is right. It is a big commitment emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. Yeah ya gotta have faith, but faith without works is dead and I preferred to have strong preparation for that step in my life. I needed to take my time with this decision and become more confident in my ability to mother as well as myself. I had fun too, I got a college degree, worked in the corporate environment for 5+ years, and got a great career started that I know I have options with should I chose to continue down that road.

For years I emotionally and spiritually was on a motherhood quest, but the health quest wasn't quite there until after this moment. Because of my invincibility I was a reckless dare devil. In my lifetime I have been in countless biking, tumbling accidents, and was even thrown out of a moving car, another blog post another time. I walked away from all of it without a scratch. It wasn't until I had my roller blading accident at the age of 26. I broke my broke my fingers and suddenly woke up a little and decided that maybe I should start being more cautious about my health and take care of it if I want to carry something in it. I also remember having an experience many many moons later with some friends. They are a wild and crazy bunch and often times they invite us to join them on their adventures. Lars and I went on this particular adventure that lasted into the wee hours in the night and it was a fun time. But it didn't have the edge it used too. SO after that moment I realized that we are growing out of that phase in our lives and ready for the next phase. Which logically meant a family. After more financial prep and prayer and blah blah blah we were for the most part getting on our way.

We knew waiting was a risk but we took that risk with a "come what may" attitude. I always knew that when we decided to start a family it would be perfect and things would just fall into place and it will be perfectly beautiful for us and our timing. Let me tell you, it has been. :) Preparing for this the last few years have been wonderful for us. Just wonderful and it keeps getting better and better. A long while ago when Lars and I were folding laundry together out of no where he says to me, "ya know, I love you so much we need to have kids." awe :) I am sure we could have had kids sooner or maybe even later. But now is awesome and well I really cannot imagine it being any other way for us. There are just so many little things that have happened that confirmed that this is the right time for us. It does have its tough moments, but the good absolutely out ways the bad and this whole process just strengthens my testimony about being a child of God and eternal families.

Sunday we watched Hook with some friends. Peter Pan, Robin Williams, needed a happy thought to fly and through all sorts of physically exercises and self searching he learned that his happy thought was that he was a Daddy. This too has become one of my happy thoughts that have gotten me through some of the crummiest days.

So Beyonce you spoke what I was feeling. Yes, I do feel like a woman. I love my body and I am also aware of who I am. I feel amazing and I also so look forward to this process and the new adventure that lies before me.


  1. I agree that people can be very judgmental without even knowing your situation. We have that same problem in our town but it's especially bad in our ward.

  2. I am sorry you have to go through that. Mean people suck. Other's ignorence can be so frustrating. Know that you rock and that I love you.

  3. I enjoyed reading your thoughts and history. I waited a while too and got so tired of being asked if we wanted kids. It's nobody business buy ours!

    You'll be a better and happier mom as a result of the place you are at mentally and physically.


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