Thursday, April 4, 2013

What Destiny...

What is your calling in life?
What is mine?

I have been doing a lot of thinking this past month...uh oh. :) Sometimes I feel like everyone has a nitch. Something they are amazing at or are well known for or sure of. Like this, or this, I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people. Maybe I am watching wayyyyy too much Youtube. I really want to know what is my calling. As I go through life I ask this question a lot. I want to know if I am fulfilling my destiny. When I was younger it was all about getting an education, then marriage, then a baby...I did most of that and those are and will forever be continuous work, learning experiences, enjoyments etc.. I am not bored with those...I love those but I sometimes keep feeling like there is something more I should/want to be doing. I feel like I can give more or be more...almost like I am not living up to my full potential. I want to get more out of life but I haven't a clue where to start. Will I ever reach my full potential in this life or will I only find content in something during each phase of my life? Am I in between phases right now?

I used to wish that I only had one really special talent. I am a jack of all trades but a master of none. I love and enjoy doing various things, probably because I can't stay focused. For this reason I wanted to be a famous actress so I could utilize all the little things I know into one big thing. I don't want to be a famous actress anymore, not really,  but I would love to be famous or known or remembered for something...but the question is WHAT???!?

I have a job but I don't see myself doing much within that as far as destiny. I always try to throw myself into my son but I don't want to smother him and live my dreams through him. I only want to be a balanced Mom. I have often thought about homeschooling him so I have something additional to do and contribute too but maybe that is not the right fit for me. I am not sure I am confident or patient enough to do that and I wouldn't mind him being in school so I can do things that define me while he is there and so he can have that experience. I am not sure I want to make that my life or maybe I am scared to be molded into a stereotype.  I have tried becoming a runner and so far that has not turned out well. I thought about maybe going back to school and getting my bachelors in teaching. I love art, exercising, cooking, and talking to people. But what can or should I do with myself? I feel like I am asking questions that I should already have the answers too but then again I think it is healthy to re-ask questions because that is how you change and expand yourself.

So I have been praying a lot about where Heavenly Father wants me to be. I get strong promptings with I hear talks or lessons about service and deepening ones testimony. I pray for opportunity and the courage to take action and serve. I am trying and not doing so well at reading my scriptures daily or going to the temple. But that is okay because I just try again the next day. I am not sure if I will ever find these answers. If I do I will let you all know. Even if I do get the answers my feelings may change. I hope I get answers because I really want to feel....useful and known or good and remembered for something. I guess I am looking for a legacy to leave. I don't want to just disappear and have that be that.

I really just wanted no needed to get these thoughts and feelings out there. I have been molling these thoughts over and how to express them for weeks. I am going to figure something out and take it to the Lord. I would love some confirmation or something so I know where I am going and what I am doing is where I need to be  or what this is.

 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must astudy it out in yourbmind; then you must cask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your dbosom shall eburn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

Doctorine and Covenants 9:8


  1. I can assure you, Stephanie Barlow, that if you disappeared you would not be forgotten. You have already left a strong mark on a lot of people. But, I totally understand how you are feeling. The Lord will lead and guide you where you are needed. I know that for sure.
    PS- Let's home school together and then they can be in the same class:-)

  2. My calling I hope was to be a mother and grandmother and a good person.........because that is all I am

  3. What Marly said. You have a gift for bringing light to anyone you meet. You may not always feel it, but it's true.

    I am trying to find my "calling" in life too. I feel like I'm just drifting.


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